The Creation Skit
by JME2
Summary: Gasp! Can it be? YES!! In the tradition of "The Taming of the Shrew-Abridged)" here comes a biblical pardoy: The Creation Skit!! Laugh and Review!!


The Creation Skit: Special Edition  
Rewritten but not Abridged  
Copyright 2000.  
  
ACT I  
(Theme to Superman starts playing)  
  
Narrator (N): Good day everyone and welcome to a wonderful afternoon of low budget   
affects, overpaid actors, and picking up after yourselves. We present here today the   
abridged version of the account of the first two chapters of Genesis. Allow me to begin:   
In the beginning, there was nothing, and then there was…God! (Looks around, sees no   
one) He created the heavens, this God and was thus was present-  
  
(Nothing happens)  
  
N: And then God hired his helpers and then-! (Waits another second) Uh, big G? God   
God?!  
  
G: (entering) Yeah, yeah I'm coming. I was trying to finish my Danish. Now, what were   
you saying?  
  
N: You're portraying the-  
  
G: Never mind, I'll figure it out; please, be gone.  
  
N: All right. (Mutters) I've worked with better, but not much.  
  
G: (takes out a newspaper and sits down; main title theme from Ghostbusters comes on)   
Well, well. Cloud floods in the lower valley of heaven, Several of my minions are   
causing a riot over the canceling of My Little Angels, and Col. Sanders is challenging St.   
Peter for the right to stand watch over the Pearly Gates. (Throws it down in disgust) Oh   
I'm bored. I'll just have to create something, a world like heaven. (Star Trek theme music   
comes on, God does a William Shatner impression) I will boldly do what no god has   
done before for these are the voyages of the Starship Heaven. Its continuing mission,   
to explore strange new …Oh, forget the Shatner impression! Shut the music off! Get over   
here workers! (they come over) Now, My workers and I'll need proper working   
conditions. And then there was light (stretches out his hand, Back to the Future theme   
comes on)  
  
Lights come on, flicker and then shut off)  
  
G: Okay, which moron here forgot to pay the electric bill?   
  
All three Workers: You.  
  
G: I was just kidding. Oh, I'll just jump-start the portable generator. (Lights come on).   
There we go. Now, that sudden darkness has just lit up my light bulb. I'll call it night and   
day.  
  
Worker I: About time you figured that out.  
  
G: (Imperial March from Star Wars comes on) Ah, could you remind what I pay  
you people for? All right, we need a place to put these times of day; I'll use that dome.   
Plus, for some light at night, I had stars installed; they'll never go out. And there's an   
added bonus. I'll keep faithful watchmen over the sky, one for each day and night. The   
sun will be for day and the moon for night (They put it up) Now, put the Earth down ever   
so slightly; it cost me a bundle... Yes, put it down carefully; (almost drop it) watch it;   
you'll void the warranty! Now, to add life. Plant these trees and plants so that hippies may   
someday worship them- watch it, that's my private shrubbery!  
  
W2: I say we go on strike.  
  
G: I do hope that no one is acting stupid over there. I'm the boss after all, yahh?  
  
W3: Just be calm; Besides, if he wants to see stupid, he should look in the mirror.  
  
G: Don't think I didn't hear that! Now, to create water (music from Titanic comes on).   
First I need a tool of destruction and power.  
  
W1: A belly dancer?  
  
G: No not that…(Grabs a hose) This will do a the trick (hardly anything comes out; he   
sees that they're stepping on it) No, wait, don't you dare do that you pansies-  
  
(God is knocked back as water fills up the Earth; God looks pissed; Eva Unit 00 theme   
from the anime series Neon Genesis Evangelion comes on as God knocks over a cheap   
model of theTitanic and moves towards the workers)  
  
W1: He sunk the Titanic! Ha, and they said God himself couldn't sink that ship.  
  
W3: Looks like he's enjoying swimming in our freshwater/saltwater mixture. Care for a   
Martinez?  
  
W2: Better look at the vein on the guy's forehead; he's gonna blow!  
  
G: No, I am calm and I have self control; I am a certified Zen master   
after all.  
  
W3: Speaking of which, what did the-  
  
G: Don't even start with that joke! Now, I will create the first animals that will inhabit   
this Earth. (Grabs a bucket of stuffed animals and dumps it over; The mad world theme   
from The Simpsons plays). I've been waiting for the right moment to get rid of these   
critters that I won on eBay. Now to create a dominant species (Jurassic Park theme starts;   
he molds with clay to produce a lizard with legs and arms) I will call it…Godzilla! No   
wait, that's a bad name. How about… Dinosaur!!  
  
W2: Brilliant Sherlock. You've just created a creature that will soon be locked in a theme   
park run by a corrupt genetic engineering company called InGen. What are you going to   
do next?  
  
G: Some of you don't believe in my work. I mean, that really hurts.  
  
W3: And why is that?  
  
G: Superbeings like myself have moods, you know.   
  
W2: Many in our estimation.  
  
G: Look, you caught me at a bad time, okay, the energy's not right. I mean, why don't   
you come up with something better? Now, I will place it on the Earth and-(he drops it;   
Batman theme comes on) Oh god! No, he's dead, he's gone, oh (kneels to Worker 1)   
What are you doing tonight?  
  
W1: Not much, you good looking god.  
  
G: (British accent): Oh behave baby!  
  
W3: Boss, I thought you were supposed to be creating the world, not flirting with her.   
Shouldn't we help the dinosaur; he's going into cardiac arrest!  
  
W2: Ah, just forget it; after all, I always say, its easier to destroy   
than to create- what the heck is the boss man doing?! (God and W1 have   
started to walk away frolicking; they come back). Well, he has loved her since he first  
ever saw her in that cloudbank. Besides, who'd ever thought that he could go out with   
her. If you ask me-  
  
G: That's enough, but it's true; I've never been able to get a date since I was a teen. Hit it   
(Just the Two of us from Austin Powers 2 comes on. Stops after a few seconds). So, how   
about next Friday, after work hours?  
  
W1: Sounds fine to me.  
  
G: Good (glances at watch) Man, time passes so quickly when you're creating.  
  
W2: Yeah, about sixty five million years to be precise.  
  
G: Oh no, I forgot all about-Wait. Before it died, it made small, innocent carbon copies of   
itself. But no matter; I must create a new dominant species that I will have dominion over   
the animals of this world.  
  
W2: Well, while you were singing, we did that.  
  
G: Wonderful; I'll give you a bonus…If I am pleased, that is. Bring the chosen ones forth   
so that they may be judged  
  
(Theme to The Simpsons starts up. They bring many vicious creatures; God is soon   
battered and screaming for mercy)  
  
W3: We should have told him to be sure that his medical insurance hadn't expired.  
  
G: I need to rest on this seventh day and recover Get out of my sight forever, with the   
exception of worker one- what was your name, dear?  
  
W1: Lillith.  
  
G:- who I will see again next Friday. Here are your paychecks. Goodbye (they leave).  
  
N: A day later, after slacking off and watching the My Little Angels series finale, God   
concludes what he began.  
  
G: Now, to create the dominant creature. I've got it! He will be in my   
image and he shall have a mate in the image of my new found love (Opening   
theme to Star Wars comes on; he has his back to the audience and then reveals   
his creation). I shall call them humans and name them Adam and Eve!   
Welcome, to your new home!  
  
N: (Finale Theme to Star Wars kicks in) And so, the world was finished at last. And God   
admired his work and saw that all was good.  
  
G: Hey, wait a second- this thing is upside down!   
  
The End!! 


End file.
